dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
