I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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