Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Are we still banned from the library?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How does one acquire holy water?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
