we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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