I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
