I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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