I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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