I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
