there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
