Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
