Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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