i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
