Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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