Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
