guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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