He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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