no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
