Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
True but thats because hes a fetus.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
