she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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