Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
