Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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