Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
