I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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