hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
