Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
