I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
