FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
