One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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