who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
