Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
