i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Its about making memories worth repressing
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
