I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
