I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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