Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
