why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
