My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
