dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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