I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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