I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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