I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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