So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
