I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Operation Purity has been aborted
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
be right there i have to get my cape
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
