'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
