I need to stop coming to work sober
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i've created a new STD.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
