So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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