WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
