he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
did you just send me my own nude
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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