"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
