her vagine was all disorganized.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
