Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
