I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
