you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
