also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
