I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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