Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize