she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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