So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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