highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?