Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?