So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
