I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
