Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
