If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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