His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
