i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
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8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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