I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am one with the molecules
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
