i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
