The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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