i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
