sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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