if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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