You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
