The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Randomize
