I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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