Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
