Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
