We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Still dying that you shit outside
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is Oprah even human
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
