I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
