lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
