Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
