If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
